Hi...I've been meaning to write to you. I promise. It's just one of those things where you check your messages and then the bad news comes and the weather fucks up and your lights turn off and it's 8 months down the road and shit I forgot to respond. But Hi. How are you? Good? Did you start a new line? I bet it looks incredible. Coffee? Well between my job and my projects and trying to find a new place to live I don't know. Excuses right? Let's make 20 to pretend like it hasn't been 3 years since we've said hello, how are you, goodbye to each other. It's not a bad thing to miss each other. So why do I feel like it is? Oh, these scars on my legs? Don't worry, he can't hurt me anymore. It sucked for a while yea, but I made it. I sure as hell made it out there...out there and hid myself back in again because fuck this I'm so afraid of what's out there. Between terrorists, racists, and rapists I don't know if I'm safe or he's safe or if she's safe or if you're sleeping better at night with him. Is it stupid? To confuse the things I'm worried about with this cringing nostalgia over something that happened forever ago? I don't mean to overuse you as my muse but dear god you give me so much material to work with. Or maybe it's all the other men that trickled in after you. 

Hi...how's New York? I like the snapchats you sent me but why can't you sit down and talk to me? Ask me more questions other than if you can see my ass or my dick or for a tantalizing convo about how good us grinding would be. Did you get the roles you worked your hardest for? Or are you still losing your phone on the subway? I never told anyone but it was you who really made me feel safe again. Before you annoyed the shit out of me I was afraid to sing again, and before you taught me how to love again I was afraid to make things with my hands that didn't remind me of him, him, him. But hi how are you? Get home safe? Alright. I'll catch up with you later.

Maybe when we're good and old we can come back to where we met, near that Noodles & Company and take a walk down to the lake. Maybe, maybe you should come sit with me and talk to me about the movie theaters you fell in love with him in. I'm all ears. You can take my jacket if it's too cold, don't worry about me, my skin has thawed quicker through tundras, this is nothing.